i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
