So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
