my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
