And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
