im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
