Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
