someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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