dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
