dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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