I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
only you would photoshop your dick
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
