Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
