If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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