just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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