wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
