just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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