He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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