You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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