The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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