i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
