Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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