dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
