No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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