her vagine was all disorganized.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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