tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm too high and old for this...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
