You made me cry and you don't even care
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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