y did u give ur computer a hand job?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
