Already got asked if we're dating
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
