a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
