Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
