i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
