It's Friday. Sex?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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