I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
