so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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