my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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