just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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