suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
