we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
