mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
