we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
