So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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