I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
