i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
