do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
