even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
