How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
