I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
