remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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