Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
