Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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