if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
