I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
