An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
