Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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