At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
