the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
