I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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