i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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